Wants and Needs... Dreams view ;)

I believe a need is something required for subs to remain mentally and physically healthy and allow them to grow spiritually and emotionally. There are physical needs, water, food, air, to name three of them.

There are also emotional needs. According to 'Human Givens', these include: security, attention (to give and receive it), a sense of autonomy and control, being emotionally connected to others, being part of a wider community, friendship and intimacy, a sense of status within social groupings, a sense of competence and achievement.

When too many of these physical and emotional needs are not met, for whatever reason, unwittingly or otherwise, Dom/me or sub, we suffer considerable distress. And so do those around us!

I believe a submissive needs clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous orders. It takes a Dom/me with great presence of mind, intelligence, self-control, and self-understanding to provide that kind of environment.

Needs are the things necessary to survive one day to the next. Wants are those extra things an individual wants, both material and emotional.

In a D/s relationship, the Dom/me should determine which are which and ensure that all needs are filled. The Dom/me will choose which of the subs wants should be fulfilled based on knowledge of the sub and their plans for the sub's future. Of course, the Dom/me should also realize that some of the subs wants need to be fulfilled, too, to keep the sub happy. A happy sub is one that will serve you best. However, the sub must always realize that the Dom/me is acting in the subs best interests and for the subs welfare.

Needs should always be respected, and wants are left entirely to the Dom/me prerogative, simply put: Needs are essential. Wants are negotiable.

D/s is a discipline which is learned through a real need, initiated by a want, and adhered to by both submissive and Dom/me.

I once heard it put this way, and its something I believe. 'In a structured D/s relationship, there is a hierarchy of priorities: 1. The Dom/mes and subs needs, 2. The Dom/mes wants, 3. The subs wants.

I tend to see things in circular energy patterns, there is Yin/Yang connection between wants and needs, they have a different flavour of motivation but are intimately connected at an energy level, they feed each other, wants become needs, needs become wants and so it goes on.

The delicious cycle that is D/s

I believe there is an initial want in actual D/s, that being the need and want to submit, and later, if one is actually committed to an actual D/s relationship, the need to obey one's Dom/me. The "want" leads to the obedience, and therefore the surrender of power, and therefore, obedience and pleasing the Dom/me being the chief wants and the only "wants" they need to satisfy under a strict D/s relationship.


As I see it, a sub needs to feel safe, needs to know they are accepted for all that they are, needs to define their limits and have them respected, needs the Dom/me to be constant, to guide, teach, correct when needed so that they can learn from mistakes, to be able to express themselves, to have goals, to be nurtured, they need approval and reassurance, and to know they have pleased.

When they have found someone to fulfil the needs they will want to serve because someone paid attention to them, got to know them, played with them, pushed them and used them and they will serve the Dom/me with an openness and desire that becomes a want they need filled.

What are your needs and wants, do you know?


Dream`

'Escape With Me' - a poem by Dream

I enjoy writing, here is a little something of mine :)

I will be posting more of my work in time

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Escape With me,
Slip off all your clothes,
Relax and let the naked truth out.
Don't hold back, reach out
Touch my body, feel my soft, supple breasts,
Taste the milky sweetness of my nipples.

Kiss it…
Touch it…
Lick it...

Play with my emotions
Tease my senses,
Explore and excite my mind,
As you slip your fingers between my wet, blushing lips.

Feel it...
Taste it...
Make love to it....

Slide your erect soul
In and out, in and out of my mind.
Faster and yet slower
As my back arches, my eyes close
Our breathing grows rapid and uneven.

Touch Me ...
Feel Me ...
Excite Me …

Blood pounds, temperatures rise,
Glistening perspiration caresses your back where my fingers grip
And you hear the moans of ecstasy
Whispering loudly in your ear.

Join Me …
Hear Me…
Escape with Me …

I'm nibbling, sweet nothings in your ear
And you reach your final thought
Our hearts race,
And yet, remain so calm.

Lie down ...
Relax ...
Close your eyes ...

We've joined together,
We've entered each others lives,
Opened and explored our minds,
And exposed the naked truth in both of us.

Roses, submission and collars

Where do I start, lets start with roses, red roses are the symbol of love, but I much prefer a different colour rose, I prefer white roses. They are a symbol of submission to me.

Why?

Let me explain.

I liken the journey of submission to the life of a rose. A rose starts life as a tight protective fragile bud. As a rose grows in strength it is supported, nurtured, fed by a strong, sturdy stem, and as it grows its petals slowly open and unfurl. Yet even in full bloom, they need the help of that sturdy stem to keep them at their best for the world. Together the rose and its stem are strong, yet alone the rose would be fragile, and the stem would be worthless.

A submissives journey starts with the sub closed and ready for the nurturing and guidance, and over time as that is given, the sub blossoms. Each step opening like the rose does, until its in full glorious bloom, held proud by the Dominants support.
Without the rose, the stem has no role, without the stem, the rose would not grow and bloom.

So the cycle of Domme and sub is formed, one needs the other to make the perfect partnership. The Ying/Yang energy flow of BDSM.

It was interesting ordering a single white rose for fade on our first anniversary; after all single roses are usually red ;) One given for each year we are together, a symbol of growth.

Yes, I am a romantic. I believe all relationships need some romance as a balance to survive. I enjoy the soft, romantic times just as much as the intense moments all relationships have.

Most of all, I enjoy watching a submissive grow, gaining confidence in their abilities, knowing that I have helped them along the way to being a whole, complete person who accepts their submission, and embraces it.

I was asked what a collar meant to me.

As a Domme, a collar singles a lifetime commitment to the sub, a sign of love and ownership. For me it represents a commitment to love, care for, to guide and nurture.

It means that I love them, that I accept them for who and what they are, yet want to help them become a more fulfilled person. Its shows I am proud to own them for them, and to show the world they are worth something. It means I will give them comfort and support whenever its needed, even though they have a strength of their own. My role is to make them feel sheltered and secure, yet free to grow and develop as their own person, as well as with me.

And in return, it means they love me for who I am, and what I strive to be. Relationships are never easy, it takes work from all parties to achieve happiness.
For me, its a serious real life commitment, much like marriage, one which I would not give up easily.

The healthy submissive

I came across this many moons ago, I am sorry I don't remember who wrote it so I can't give them credit, however, I think there is a lot of truth in it, so I have posted it here.

The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships they makes over the years.
The healthy submissive is a giver. They often needs help to ration themselves because their impulses nearly always lead them to want to do good for others.
The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.
The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. They are at ease in that place.
The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. They are reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables them to adapt to changing circumstances.
The healthy submissive is playful.
The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about their body, and its goodness and beauty.
The healthy submissive takes pride in their accomplishments.
The healthy submissive accepts themselves as they are, knowing that while their culture values independence and self sufficiency, they have strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.
The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
The healthy submissive, in accepting themselves "as is" and is tolerant of others. But neither will they allow anyone to tell them what their truth should be.
The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of their difficulties as well as their strengths.
The healthy submissive hungers to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When their nature is understood and they are held in a loving and firm frame, their devotion is almost limitless.
The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs their service.