Wants and Needs... Dreams view ;)

I believe a need is something required for subs to remain mentally and physically healthy and allow them to grow spiritually and emotionally. There are physical needs, water, food, air, to name three of them.

There are also emotional needs. According to 'Human Givens', these include: security, attention (to give and receive it), a sense of autonomy and control, being emotionally connected to others, being part of a wider community, friendship and intimacy, a sense of status within social groupings, a sense of competence and achievement.

When too many of these physical and emotional needs are not met, for whatever reason, unwittingly or otherwise, Dom/me or sub, we suffer considerable distress. And so do those around us!

I believe a submissive needs clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous orders. It takes a Dom/me with great presence of mind, intelligence, self-control, and self-understanding to provide that kind of environment.

Needs are the things necessary to survive one day to the next. Wants are those extra things an individual wants, both material and emotional.

In a D/s relationship, the Dom/me should determine which are which and ensure that all needs are filled. The Dom/me will choose which of the subs wants should be fulfilled based on knowledge of the sub and their plans for the sub's future. Of course, the Dom/me should also realize that some of the subs wants need to be fulfilled, too, to keep the sub happy. A happy sub is one that will serve you best. However, the sub must always realize that the Dom/me is acting in the subs best interests and for the subs welfare.

Needs should always be respected, and wants are left entirely to the Dom/me prerogative, simply put: Needs are essential. Wants are negotiable.

D/s is a discipline which is learned through a real need, initiated by a want, and adhered to by both submissive and Dom/me.

I once heard it put this way, and its something I believe. 'In a structured D/s relationship, there is a hierarchy of priorities: 1. The Dom/mes and subs needs, 2. The Dom/mes wants, 3. The subs wants.

I tend to see things in circular energy patterns, there is Yin/Yang connection between wants and needs, they have a different flavour of motivation but are intimately connected at an energy level, they feed each other, wants become needs, needs become wants and so it goes on.

The delicious cycle that is D/s

I believe there is an initial want in actual D/s, that being the need and want to submit, and later, if one is actually committed to an actual D/s relationship, the need to obey one's Dom/me. The "want" leads to the obedience, and therefore the surrender of power, and therefore, obedience and pleasing the Dom/me being the chief wants and the only "wants" they need to satisfy under a strict D/s relationship.


As I see it, a sub needs to feel safe, needs to know they are accepted for all that they are, needs to define their limits and have them respected, needs the Dom/me to be constant, to guide, teach, correct when needed so that they can learn from mistakes, to be able to express themselves, to have goals, to be nurtured, they need approval and reassurance, and to know they have pleased.

When they have found someone to fulfil the needs they will want to serve because someone paid attention to them, got to know them, played with them, pushed them and used them and they will serve the Dom/me with an openness and desire that becomes a want they need filled.

What are your needs and wants, do you know?


Dream`