Growth

Growth - what does it really mean when that phrase is used?

I've seen it used numerous times with very little detail with regards to what kind of growth it refers to or how a Dom/me can foster and nurture said growth. So I thought I would give you my opinion on it.

For me, as a Domme, I see it as my role to nurture a sub, to guide and teach them, and watch them grow. It could be said the Dom/me takes on roles like a personal trainer in guiding a slaves health and fitness, or teacher in educating a sub in the etiquette, and at times maybe even a therapist or counsellor in helping the sub to overcome personal fears or inhibitions.

I have heard it said that a sub can't grow if they are unowned, and I would like to argue this point. I believe that the sub is to a degree responsible for pushing themselves in new and scary directions. While a Dom/me can be a wonderful catalyst for change and growth, they work with that is already within, the potential that is already there, so the sub needs to work on their growth too.Why not try picking up those seeds yourself, try reading, talking to others in the lifestyle, even experimenting with different things on your own. Discover what it is that makes you tick, only you can do the ground work there, and once that is done, then the Dom/me can push and challenge you, to help you grown even more.

For those subs who are unowned, look at this a time to grow and develop in a different way, not as being static or an empty space between one relationship and another. It can be a valuable opportunity to take stock, to review the lessons of the past and to grow in self knowledge and confidence in oneself. You will find that as you journey your path into submission, there will be many people who contribute to your growth as a submissive and in as many different ways. Talking to other subs (and Dom/me) will often give you cause to re-evaluate assumptions and ideas about things, you will be continually learning and discovering.

One of the best tools there is in being able to see subs growth is dairy, be it a hand written one, or an online one. Then one can look back in time and reflect, and I guarantee you will be surprised at how you grow, because most of the time you just don't notice it. The other good tool is a BDSM check list. This is a evolving document, and you should check and update it at least once a year, maybe more if you are aware of things that have changed in it.

Improtantly, I don't think that a particular 'level' of personal growth can be sustained indefinitely, whatever the circumstances. Growth happens at different speeds, increases and decreases, levels out then starts all over again, hopefully through out our lives. Submission is no different than any other area in this respect, so take each step as it comes.